00:02:02.792 --> 00:02:03.875
Hi!

00:02:04.875 --> 00:02:06.333
Hi!

00:02:06.750 --> 00:02:08.792
Wow! You don’t look good, really.

00:02:08.792 --> 00:02:10.708
How old are you? Ninety-three?

00:02:11.292 --> 00:02:15.042
Eighty! And don’t complain,
at least I’m not bald.

00:02:15.708 --> 00:02:17.542
Well, not completely, yet...

00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:19.833
So, what are you drinking? Rum?

00:02:20.792 --> 00:02:23.083
Yes, rum! Of course it’s rum!

00:02:23.625 --> 00:02:26.167
What could it be,
anyway? Apple juice?

00:02:26.167 --> 00:02:27.375
Is it apple juice?!

00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:29.792
Yes...

00:02:31.500 --> 00:02:33.583
Oh, God! I knew it! What is it about?

00:02:34.167 --> 00:02:36.333
Is it colon? Liver? Or kidneys?

00:02:36.333 --> 00:02:37.833
Beginning of cirrhosis?

00:02:38.083 --> 00:02:39.750
Shit, cirrhosis hurts, doesn’t it?

00:02:40.292 --> 00:02:42.792
Why do you drink apple juice?
How much long have you got?

00:02:42.792 --> 00:02:45.292
A year? A month?
Will I have to pay the bill?!

00:02:45.542 --> 00:02:47.708
It was a joke, ok?
It was just a joke!

00:02:48.625 --> 00:02:49.625
Waiter!

00:02:50.333 --> 00:02:52.583
Serve him a glass of my rum, please.

00:03:01.125 --> 00:03:03.292
Do you want me to die of
a heart attack or what?

00:03:03.542 --> 00:03:05.417
Do you prefer cirrhosis, then?

00:03:05.708 --> 00:03:07.583
I’m afraid of death,
you know that.

00:03:07.583 --> 00:03:10.042
I think I’m gonna die of fear
when I feel I’m gonna die.

00:03:10.042 --> 00:03:12.042
Is it really totally true
that we all must die?

00:03:12.208 --> 00:03:14.417
Statistics seem to prove it.

00:03:14.417 --> 00:03:16.875
But who can trust statistics?

00:03:16.875 --> 00:03:20.333
Statistic is the science according
to if your neighbour has two cars

00:03:20.333 --> 00:03:23.375
...and I have none,
we both have one.

00:03:23.375 --> 00:03:25.958
-Bernard Shaw said it!
-I don’t have a car!

00:03:25.958 --> 00:03:27.583
No, of course you don’t!

00:03:27.958 --> 00:03:31.583
My neigbour, Mr. Smith,
died a week ago...

00:03:31.667 --> 00:03:33.750
-And how many cars did he have?
-I don't know.

00:03:34.292 --> 00:03:36.625
He had two lovers and a wife...

00:03:36.625 --> 00:03:39.250
...and he was so unlucky
as to die in bed.

00:03:39.583 --> 00:03:41.875
Having sex, it seems.

00:03:41.875 --> 00:03:44.500
What bad luck! Was he
caught with both lovers?

00:03:44.500 --> 00:03:47.125
-No, no, with the wife!
-What bad luck!

00:03:47.250 --> 00:03:48.500
Was the cause a heart attack?

00:03:49.083 --> 00:03:50.917
It seems he got his neck broken.

00:03:51.375 --> 00:03:55.500
His wife had been reading
a book from the public library.

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“Don’t let the passion die between us”,
or something like that.

00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:01.917
At least I noticed that
when he was...

00:04:01.917 --> 00:04:04.458
...carried away,
covered with a cloth...

00:04:05.250 --> 00:04:09.750
...he didn’t have a visible
tent over his lower parts.

00:04:09.750 --> 00:04:13.292
Imagine it! For a catholic, the
expectancy of an eternal life...

00:04:13.292 --> 00:04:16.708
...with ‘that’ thing down there
it must be ugly, really ugly.

00:04:16.708 --> 00:04:18.500
It must be terrible!

00:04:18.500 --> 00:04:22.250
With that rigid erection
pointing at God...

00:04:22.250 --> 00:04:25.000
...his Son and the Holy Spirit!

00:04:25.500 --> 00:04:27.292
I don’t want to die or become old.

00:04:27.958 --> 00:04:30.458
I don’t like what I see when
I look at you, you know?

00:04:30.458 --> 00:04:33.083
Don’t be offended! I’ve just
always wondered if my...

00:04:33.083 --> 00:04:36.875
...growing old process would be like
a reversing of Freud’s libido phases.

00:04:37.625 --> 00:04:39.292
Why did I have to read Freud?!

00:04:39.292 --> 00:04:41.583
Why should I, if there was
a Yankees’ match on TV?

00:04:41.583 --> 00:04:43.708
I guess I wanted to
understand what the hell...

00:04:43.708 --> 00:04:46.292
...was this ‘death impulse’
in order to avoid it.

00:04:47.250 --> 00:04:50.625
And in which of Freud’s
libido phases would I be?

00:04:54.458 --> 00:04:56.125
-In…
-Yes?

00:04:57.917 --> 00:05:00.042
-...the anal phase.
-The anal phase!

00:05:01.333 --> 00:05:04.125
It sounds terrible!
It doesn’t sound good at all!

00:05:04.125 --> 00:05:07.417
It doesn’t sound like something you
would tell your wife, for instance.

00:05:08.250 --> 00:05:09.708
Which was the anal phase?

00:05:10.500 --> 00:05:12.792
It’s the phase in which
a child feels pleasure...

00:05:12.792 --> 00:05:15.500
...when it learns to control
its own… sphincters.

00:05:15.500 --> 00:05:17.375
And which phase are you in?

00:05:18.500 --> 00:05:22.208
I’m in a permanent
frustrated genital phase.

00:05:23.833 --> 00:05:24.667
Too bad.

00:05:26.625 --> 00:05:29.792
Hey! Do you still go to
the same psychoanalyst?

00:05:30.167 --> 00:05:31.667
No. I changed.

00:05:31.667 --> 00:05:33.542
I now go to Dr. Norman.

00:05:33.542 --> 00:05:37.042
Jewish, beautiful and
wonderfully stupid.

00:05:37.583 --> 00:05:40.583
She wanted to be a hands model
until she squashed a finger.

00:05:40.583 --> 00:05:43.083
Then she began studying Psychology.

00:05:43.083 --> 00:05:45.000
-I think I love her.
-What?!

00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:46.250
Did you leave Harry?!

00:05:46.458 --> 00:05:48.042
I repent, ok?

00:05:48.042 --> 00:05:51.917
Why can’t I be a catholic?
I love to sin and then repent.

00:05:51.917 --> 00:05:54.542
I love wine, bread, Maria Magdalena!

00:05:54.917 --> 00:05:57.958
But I can’t bear the idea of
introducing my hands into...

00:05:57.958 --> 00:06:01.625
...those holy water containers
at the entrance of churches.

00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:04.458
Have you ever wondered how
many germs must be there?

00:06:04.458 --> 00:06:06.875
Have you ever been
in a church restroom?

00:06:06.875 --> 00:06:08.333
-No.
-Me neither.

00:06:08.333 --> 00:06:11.667
So we have to suppose that
people must go outside...

00:06:11.667 --> 00:06:13.833
...when they have extreme
bodily functions.

00:06:13.833 --> 00:06:17.167
They go to a corner. Under
a tree. No soap, no water.

00:06:17.167 --> 00:06:18.750
So what do they do
when they have finished?

00:06:18.750 --> 00:06:20.917
They enter the church again!

00:06:20.917 --> 00:06:23.375
And where’s the water?!

00:06:25.833 --> 00:06:27.833
Do you know things
won’t be any better in…

00:06:27.833 --> 00:06:29.750
How old are you by now?

00:06:29.750 --> 00:06:30.875
Fourty-five.

00:06:31.292 --> 00:06:34.625
Well, in thirty-five years time
things won’t be any better...

00:06:34.625 --> 00:06:36.917
...than they’re are in your time.

00:06:37.500 --> 00:06:40.292
Everything changes for worse.
And you don’t hook up as often!

00:06:40.292 --> 00:06:42.917
I thought filmmakers used to hook up.

00:06:43.333 --> 00:06:45.292
Exactly! ‘They-used-to’.

00:06:45.292 --> 00:06:49.208
In the past. And in the third person.
Always in the third person...

00:06:49.208 --> 00:06:51.708
Anyway, you won’t
complain about Diane...

00:06:53.083 --> 00:06:55.625
I could never complain about Diane.

00:06:55.625 --> 00:06:59.833
I could never do anything
but fall in love with Diane.

00:07:00.458 --> 00:07:03.375
Up until now, have you
been in love many times?

00:07:04.333 --> 00:07:07.333
Groucho said that the trouble
with love is that many people...

00:07:07.333 --> 00:07:11.000
...confuse it with gastritis, and when
they recover from the ailment...

00:07:11.000 --> 00:07:13.417
...they find out they're already married.

00:07:13.917 --> 00:07:17.125
You know I’m an hypochondriac,
so in my case it’s just the opposite.

00:07:17.125 --> 00:07:20.125
I go to the doctor convinced
I have gastritis and it turns out...

00:07:20.125 --> 00:07:22.167
...I don’t have one.

00:07:27.792 --> 00:07:28.833
Listen.

00:07:28.833 --> 00:07:31.083
What’s really going on here?

00:07:31.083 --> 00:07:34.250
Is this a dream? Or a joke?

00:07:34.875 --> 00:07:36.875
Would you meet me in a dream?

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I mean, another me of my age?

00:07:40.625 --> 00:07:43.167
-No.
-Me neither!

00:07:43.875 --> 00:07:46.333
Then definitely this is not a dream.

00:07:46.333 --> 00:07:48.000
It’s definitely a joke.

00:07:48.250 --> 00:07:50.208
-One of bad taste.
-Of very bad taste.

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Let’s don’t overstep things, right?

00:07:55.042 --> 00:07:58.792
Well, it’s not so terrible
for us to meet here.

00:07:58.792 --> 00:08:01.833
We get on well together, don’t we?

00:08:01.833 --> 00:08:06.375
Wasn’t it us that said masturbation
is sex with someone you love?

00:08:06.958 --> 00:08:08.333
Yes, I love myself.

00:08:08.958 --> 00:08:12.667
Well, maybe not that much,
but I do get on well with myself.

00:08:12.667 --> 00:08:15.250
In fact, I believe I’m the
only person that maybe...

00:08:15.250 --> 00:08:16.875
...I would get married with.

00:08:17.000 --> 00:08:17.958
Oh yeah?

00:08:18.500 --> 00:08:20.625
But of course after marriage...

00:08:20.625 --> 00:08:23.250
...I would start hating
myself, despising myself.

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That always happens after marriage.

00:08:26.208 --> 00:08:29.792
And then, despising myself, I would
have to find somebody to love ...

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... until I despise her for loving
such a despising person as me.

00:08:33.625 --> 00:08:38.625
And I would start wondering if she
isn’t more despising than me actually.

00:08:39.042 --> 00:08:44.708
And comparatively I would start
valuing and loving myself again.

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More than her?

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Of course more than her!

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And finally I would get on
well again with myself...

00:08:51.583 --> 00:08:54.625
...and I would start thinking
again that I’m the only person...

00:08:54.625 --> 00:08:57.750
...with whom I would get
married, although I won’t...

00:08:57.750 --> 00:09:00.792
...because It makes me lazy
and divorces are expensive.

00:09:01.167 --> 00:09:03.375
And after all what’s marriage?

00:09:03.375 --> 00:09:07.083
A paper? Papers get
wet, broken, burnt.

00:09:07.500 --> 00:09:09.542
Mortgages and children don’t.

00:09:09.542 --> 00:09:11.583
Mortgages and children join couples!

00:09:11.583 --> 00:09:14.708
They even join couples who
are close to breaking up.

00:09:14.708 --> 00:09:17.833
They specially join couples
who are close to breaking up.

00:09:17.833 --> 00:09:19.750
Yes! Specially!

00:09:21.875 --> 00:09:26.042
Listen! Have you ever wondered
if worldwide overpopulation...

00:09:26.042 --> 00:09:29.625
...and the real state bubble
might be the result of lots of...

00:09:29.625 --> 00:09:31.458
...non-achieved breakups?

00:09:31.458 --> 00:09:32.833
Of course!

00:09:32.833 --> 00:09:34.625
People who need
an inflection point...

00:09:34.625 --> 00:09:37.375
...to forget they despise each other
and who guarantee their union...

00:09:37.375 --> 00:09:40.125
...reproducing themselves
and acquiring properties.

00:09:40.667 --> 00:09:43.083
And do you believe that
I, you… that we are...

00:09:43.083 --> 00:09:46.708
...the result of searching
a point of inflection?

00:09:46.708 --> 00:09:50.083
We were the result of a flection.
And that’s getting to the point.

00:09:53.250 --> 00:09:55.292
What are you doing?
Are you leaving?

00:09:55.292 --> 00:09:56.875
-Yes, I am.
-Where?

00:09:56.875 --> 00:09:59.708
-Outside. Out of this bar.
-Well, me too.

00:09:59.708 --> 00:10:01.792
-Oh, yeah?
-Yes, what’s the matter?

00:10:02.375 --> 00:10:04.792
Well, I just though It would
be nice to leave a bar...

00:10:04.792 --> 00:10:07.333
...before my companion for
the first time in my whole life.

00:10:07.917 --> 00:10:10.042
Oh, then you can leave,
you can leave first.

00:10:10.042 --> 00:10:11.542
Really? Is that okay with you?

00:10:11.542 --> 00:10:13.958
Yes! It’s been a
pleasure talking to you.

00:10:13.958 --> 00:10:16.875
Yes, it’s been like having a
monologue with myself...

00:10:16.875 --> 00:10:18.667
...but adding prostate problems.

00:10:18.667 --> 00:10:21.792
-I don’t have prostate problems!
-I don’t have erection problems neither!

00:10:21.792 --> 00:10:24.958
-I didn’t said you had!
-Nor did I, because I don’t have them!

00:10:24.958 --> 00:10:26.708
I’m glad, I’m so
glad to know it!

00:10:26.708 --> 00:10:30.208
And I’m glad about your
prostate… about our prostate.

00:10:30.917 --> 00:10:32.500
Well, see you.

00:10:32.500 --> 00:10:34.000
See you.

00:10:35.208 --> 00:10:36.875
Prostate, he says...

00:11:03.208 --> 00:11:04.292
Hey!

00:11:06.625 --> 00:11:11.792
Please think twice before
filming certain things in Europe.

00:11:13.083 --> 00:11:14.583
Europe...